The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

I haven’t written a post here in a LONG time, mostly because I haven’t really felt the need to get a lot off my chest…after six years I’m doing so much better than I probably would have thought possible back then. Of course there are still lingering issues and trigger situations (I almost walked out of work on Saturday), but overall…much improved. Apparently, though, I still get really depressed and on-edge around May-July, which is when all the shit went […]

Posted by Phoenix On Aug - 29 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Things I’ve Learned From My Male Begetter: Family comes first. No “best friend” can ever match the relationship you’ll have with your family. Family will always be there for you, even when friends come and go. (Except when you disagree with the family and they cut you off.) Fear is good. Fear of god, fear of consequences, fear of “authority figures”. (Fear is a very strong motivator. Fear keeps you trapped, tied to the person/people you believe will save you. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 21 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST
Robin Williams

I was shocked and saddened today when I found out about Robin Williams’ death by suicide from depression. My first thought is, “Everybody loved him! How could he do that?” (from years of believing mental illness was nonexistant) but as a fellow sufferer of clinical depression, I know that even if a million people told you they loved you, the black hole of depression could still swallow you up. Depression is a real thing. It’s not something you can just […]

Posted by Phoenix On Aug - 11 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Ever since I can remember, my parents gave me labels. “Bossy”, “independent”, “rebellious”, “stubborn”, “strong-willed”, etc. I was bossy for a while; probably because I was jealous that my parents treated Ben better than me. He seemed to be the favorite, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so, and even though I was older he got preferential treatment. Probably because he was the firstborn boy, too, and in Dennis’ intensely patriarchal view of everything, that counted for more. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 7 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST

I realize this entire post comes from my own experience, but I think I will make some good points. When I was a kid, we were made to share rooms. With 12 kids, you can’t really get each kid their own room (which is partly why I think having a ton of kids is irresponsible). I hated it. Being an introvert, I need my own space, and especially in a family of that size, a personal space to call your […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jan - 16 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST

When I was a kid, we were “well-behaved” in public (in other words, we didn’t behave like kids in public, we behaved like mini-adults). We didn’t go to children’s church or anything like that, we were expected to sit still and quiet (no drawing like the other kids, either!) during church services. It was all chalked up to my dad’s super-awesome powers of teaching us self-control. Of course, that’s never what he said in public though. The reality was, however, […]

Posted by Phoenix On Nov - 8 - 2013 2 Comments READ FULL POST

Growing up, we called Halloween “The Devil’s Birthday”. It was the day everyone worshipped Satan, Satanists sacrificed babies to Satan, and regular people went along with the holiday for the candy…which as we all knew, was poisoned by the witches. The “holiday” (it was a fake holiday because the word holiday meant holy day) came from ancient druids who sacrificed children to Satan. We weren’t allowed to eat anything Halloween-themed or even color on pictures of bats or jack o’ […]

Posted by Phoenix On Oct - 31 - 2013 Add Comments READ FULL POST

There are so many things I know now that I wish I knew when I was younger. A group I’m in wanted us to answer the question “What do you wish your 16-year-old self knew?”, and I’ve been thinking about writing a post along those lines anyway, so I just decided to do it now. What I Wish My Younger Self Knew I wish she knew everything wasn’t her fault. I wish she knew she didn’t have to be stuck […]

Posted by Phoenix On Oct - 15 - 2013 Add Comments READ FULL POST
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Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

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