The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

I sit with my back against the wall in his tiny office, my arms wrapped around my knees. Maybe if I curl up small enough, he’ll forget about me. Maybe he’ll stop drilling me with his eyes. But he doesn’t; he loves the sound of his own voice, as he talks on and on about my duty and responsibility to stay with them forever until he finds a suitable mate; about his own authority over me; about all the bad […]

Posted by Phoenix On Mar - 8 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

When I was a kid, we had to “respect our elders” because they were so much older and had so much more wisdom than us. We were supposed to call everyone who was married, Mr and Mrs, even if they were only a couple years older than us. All relatives, no matter how distant and regardless of actual relation, were Aunt and Uncle if they were only a couple years older than us. I tried to point out to my […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 5 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST

No child chooses to be born. Why then do so many fundamentalist (emphasis on mental!) parents think their kids owe them? We were constantly reminded of how much we owed our parents. We owed them because they “put up” with us when we were young. We owed them because there were so many of us. We owed them because they fed and clothed us. We owed them because they paid for our music lessons. We owed them because we were […]

Posted by Phoenix On Nov - 20 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST
Robin Williams

I was shocked and saddened today when I found out about Robin Williams’ death by suicide from depression. My first thought is, “Everybody loved him! How could he do that?” (from years of believing mental illness was nonexistant) but as a fellow sufferer of clinical depression, I know that even if a million people told you they loved you, the black hole of depression could still swallow you up. Depression is a real thing. It’s not something you can just […]

Posted by Phoenix On Aug - 11 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Ever since I can remember, my parents gave me labels. “Bossy”, “independent”, “rebellious”, “stubborn”, “strong-willed”, etc. I was bossy for a while; probably because I was jealous that my parents treated Ben better than me. He seemed to be the favorite, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so, and even though I was older he got preferential treatment. Probably because he was the firstborn boy, too, and in Dennis’ intensely patriarchal view of everything, that counted for more. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 7 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST

I realize this entire post comes from my own experience, but I think I will make some good points. When I was a kid, we were made to share rooms. With 12 kids, you can’t really get each kid their own room (which is partly why I think having a ton of kids is irresponsible). I hated it. Being an introvert, I need my own space, and especially in a family of that size, a personal space to call your […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jan - 16 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST

Growing up, we called Halloween “The Devil’s Birthday”. It was the day everyone worshipped Satan, Satanists sacrificed babies to Satan, and regular people went along with the holiday for the candy…which as we all knew, was poisoned by the witches. The “holiday” (it was a fake holiday because the word holiday meant holy day) came from ancient druids who sacrificed children to Satan. We weren’t allowed to eat anything Halloween-themed or even color on pictures of bats or jack o’ […]

Posted by Phoenix On Oct - 31 - 2013 Add Comments READ FULL POST

There are so many things I know now that I wish I knew when I was younger. A group I’m in wanted us to answer the question “What do you wish your 16-year-old self knew?”, and I’ve been thinking about writing a post along those lines anyway, so I just decided to do it now. What I Wish My Younger Self Knew I wish she knew everything wasn’t her fault. I wish she knew she didn’t have to be stuck […]

Posted by Phoenix On Oct - 15 - 2013 Add Comments READ FULL POST
  • RSS
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Welcome!

Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

Recent Thoughts

It'll have been 7 years this July that I moved ...

New Year's Resolutio

I have not made a New Year's resolution in many ...

Six Years!! (Basical

I haven't written a post here in a LONG time, ...

Untitled

I sit with my back against the wall in his ...

Freedom Isn't Free

Five years ago today, I declared my independence. I'd had ...