The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

I haven’t written a post here in a LONG time, mostly because I haven’t really felt the need to get a lot off my chest…after six years I’m doing so much better than I probably would have thought possible back then. Of course there are still lingering issues and trigger situations (I almost walked out of work on Saturday), but overall…much improved. Apparently, though, I still get really depressed and on-edge around May-July, which is when all the shit went […]

Posted by Phoenix On Aug - 29 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Things I’ve Learned From My Male Begetter: Family comes first. No “best friend” can ever match the relationship you’ll have with your family. Family will always be there for you, even when friends come and go. (Except when you disagree with the family and they cut you off.) Fear is good. Fear of god, fear of consequences, fear of “authority figures”. (Fear is a very strong motivator. Fear keeps you trapped, tied to the person/people you believe will save you. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 21 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Ever since I can remember, my parents gave me labels. “Bossy”, “independent”, “rebellious”, “stubborn”, “strong-willed”, etc. I was bossy for a while; probably because I was jealous that my parents treated Ben better than me. He seemed to be the favorite, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so, and even though I was older he got preferential treatment. Probably because he was the firstborn boy, too, and in Dennis’ intensely patriarchal view of everything, that counted for more. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 7 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST
Us on our anniversary in 2012

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was lonely. She was kept in a tower of sorts, with minimal contact to the outside world, and was very unhappy: nobody in her tower took the time to understand her and love her for who she was; instead, they tried to make her into what they thought she should be so they would love her. One day, she was introduced to a man online, and they started talking. When the […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 14 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

There are so many things I know now that I wish I knew when I was younger. A group I’m in wanted us to answer the question “What do you wish your 16-year-old self knew?”, and I’ve been thinking about writing a post along those lines anyway, so I just decided to do it now. What I Wish My Younger Self Knew I wish she knew everything wasn’t her fault. I wish she knew she didn’t have to be stuck […]

Posted by Phoenix On Oct - 15 - 2013 Add Comments READ FULL POST

July 4th is kind of a mixed-emotion day for me. My parents aren’t really into the “freedom” and “independence” thing, since they say this country was founded on rebellion (while enjoying the freedoms!). July 4th took on a new meaning for me however when after a two-hour (or longer!) lecture on why I shouldn’t leave, I finally said I was going to move out. Hardest thing I’ve ever done, bar none. By then it was 10 pm, so the kids […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 4 - 2013 10 Comments READ FULL POST

A friend of mine posted on her Facebook today that Megan and Grace Phelps-Roper (granddaughters of the infamous Fred Phelps) left the Westboro cult in November (and, of course, were shunned, as I was). I’m not sure of the exact date, but only that last Sunday was her first day in a different church. The news article brings back a lot of memories for me. After I read it, I started crying…I was in similar shoes, and it was really […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 6 - 2013 5 Comments READ FULL POST

I’ve talked to a lot of people about the place I came from. They’re all like “I would have never stood for that!” or “I would have punched your dad in the face if I were you and he said that to me!” or “I would have just left!” Thing is, it wasn’t that easy. It took Scottie years of gentle guidance for me to realize that it was OK to leave, that my feelings of being stuck and hating […]

Posted by Phoenix On Oct - 5 - 2012 21 Comments READ FULL POST
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Welcome!

Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

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