The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

I sit with my back against the wall in his tiny office, my arms wrapped around my knees. Maybe if I curl up small enough, he’ll forget about me. Maybe he’ll stop drilling me with his eyes. But he doesn’t; he loves the sound of his own voice, as he talks on and on about my duty and responsibility to stay with them forever until he finds a suitable mate; about his own authority over me; about all the bad […]

Posted by Phoenix On Mar - 8 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Things I’ve Learned From My Male Begetter: Family comes first. No “best friend” can ever match the relationship you’ll have with your family. Family will always be there for you, even when friends come and go. (Except when you disagree with the family and they cut you off.) Fear is good. Fear of god, fear of consequences, fear of “authority figures”. (Fear is a very strong motivator. Fear keeps you trapped, tied to the person/people you believe will save you. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 21 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST
Narcissism

I read this post and it really was powerful to me. Here I present The Shepherd’s Gospel, 1 Corinthians 13 by Shade. (Reprinted with permission.) [growing up, i heard about the shepherd and how he loved me so much. if i would only obey more, i would be safe. here is part of the shepherd’s gospel] 1. listen, i speak with the tongues of men and angels. i do not need love, you are the sounding brass, the tinkling cymbal. be […]

Posted by Phoenix On Sep - 25 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Oh jeez. My dad. Dennis, as I will call him henceforth, because he is not a father figure to me and he was never the father figure that I hoped, wanted, or needed. Last night I had a crazy dream about him. I dreamt that I was back at their house, and he was violently abusive towards me…hitting me with my tablet (which broke the detachable keyboard), saying horribly mean things, and breaking my laptop. In my dream, I had […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 10 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST

There are so many things I know now that I wish I knew when I was younger. A group I’m in wanted us to answer the question “What do you wish your 16-year-old self knew?”, and I’ve been thinking about writing a post along those lines anyway, so I just decided to do it now. What I Wish My Younger Self Knew I wish she knew everything wasn’t her fault. I wish she knew she didn’t have to be stuck […]

Posted by Phoenix On Oct - 15 - 2013 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Trigger warning: graphic descriptions of self-injury. Everything was my fault. This was never said, but it was implied enough to really screw me up. Somehow it was my fault if the kids got into something and I was in the room with them, or just on the same level of the house as them. If I wasn’t watching them any time I was near them and they did something they weren’t supposed to, I got a spanking along with them. […]

Posted by Phoenix On May - 29 - 2013 9 Comments READ FULL POST

A friend of mine posted on her Facebook today that Megan and Grace Phelps-Roper (granddaughters of the infamous Fred Phelps) left the Westboro cult in November (and, of course, were shunned, as I was). I’m not sure of the exact date, but only that last Sunday was her first day in a different church. The news article brings back a lot of memories for me. After I read it, I started crying…I was in similar shoes, and it was really […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 6 - 2013 5 Comments READ FULL POST

Someone asked me why I’m agnostic and no longer a Christian, and I decided to go ahead and put it in a post since it ended up being so long! Anne, can/would you please tell me how or why you think of yourself as an agnostic or atheist? (I got this idea from one of your recent posts.) Yes, I know that your home-life was not the best environment in which to be nurtured. I get some of what you […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jan - 4 - 2013 6 Comments READ FULL POST
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Welcome!

Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

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