The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

Oh jeez. My dad. Dennis, as I will call him henceforth, because he is not a father figure to me and he was never the father figure that I hoped, wanted, or needed. Last night I had a crazy dream about him. I dreamt that I was back at their house, and he was violently abusive towards me…hitting me with my tablet (which broke the detachable keyboard), saying horribly mean things, and breaking my laptop. In my dream, I had […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 10 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST

Whenever I wonder if I’ve made progress from where I’ve come, I just need to look at my  dreams. I’ve had a lot of dreams about my family since I left, and in the beginning I was passive in my dreams. Then, even though I was passive, I would walk away from them. Then I started standing up to them, then I started challenging them in my dreams. Last night I dreamt my mom was spanking Eric (more like beating […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 18 - 2013 3 Comments READ FULL POST

A friend of mine posted on her Facebook today that Megan and Grace Phelps-Roper (granddaughters of the infamous Fred Phelps) left the Westboro cult in November (and, of course, were shunned, as I was). I’m not sure of the exact date, but only that last Sunday was her first day in a different church. The news article brings back a lot of memories for me. After I read it, I started crying…I was in similar shoes, and it was really […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 6 - 2013 5 Comments READ FULL POST

A couple weeks ago I had another dream about my dad. I dreamt I was with them again, for some reason I had moved back (I didn’t have a baby though). We were all together in the living room and my dad asked me, “Why aren’t you a Christian anymore?” I said “I still hear all your reasons for everything in my head, but they stopped making sense.” He reached for his Christian bible, as if he was going to […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 20 - 2012 1 Comment READ FULL POST

I tell you, since becoming pregnant, I have had probably more dreams about my family than any other time. Last night I dreamt I was moved out, but had visited the family a few times. I dreamt that when I DID visit, my dad kept the kids away. Well, in one visit, I managed to talk to Beth finally. She told me she thought that it was just dad who didn’t want to see me, and that it was me […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 21 - 2011 9 Comments READ FULL POST

I dreamt I was visiting my family at the same time my grandparents were (they’re visiting them right now), and I was in my room, woke up a while ago, and I didn’t really want to go out because I knew my dad would probably make some kind of scene. Finally I left though, and the first person I saw was my Gramma…she was doing a puzzle and she completely ignored me. Next I saw my dad, who had a […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 15 - 2011 6 Comments READ FULL POST

I’m glad I had a nice dream last night. I dreamt I was at my dad’s house, a huge old house where be lived with a bunch of grown up sons and daughters and two noiseless children (a baby and a toddler). I dreamt I was following my dad around for some reason, helping him find something I think. I said to him, “I know the way you raise your children lines up with your beliefs of god,” (the way […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 5 - 2011 4 Comments READ FULL POST

Happy Father’s Day to two of my favorite people in the world who are both new fathers…Joe and Scottie!! I’m sure they’re both gonna be great fathers! And happy father’s day to my father in law, other fathers, etc. And single moms. 😉 *** Children are smart. There, I said it. My dad would totally disagree. But seriously, how does a 2 year old learn the word ‘delicious’ and know how to use it properly? Nobody tried to teach her, […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 20 - 2011 6 Comments READ FULL POST
  • RSS
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Welcome!

Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

Recent Thoughts

It'll have been 7 years this July that I moved ...

New Year's Resolutio

I have not made a New Year's resolution in many ...

Six Years!! (Basical

I haven't written a post here in a LONG time, ...

Untitled

I sit with my back against the wall in his ...

Freedom Isn't Free

Five years ago today, I declared my independence. I'd had ...