The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

It’ll have been 7 years this July that I moved out of my folks’. Since then we’ve had some good times, we’ve had some bad times, but that’s sort of life anyway. I’ve seen photos of my younger siblings…all grown up now. I hardly even recognize some of them, they look so different! I have never regretted leaving, but I do miss them, a lot. I’ve showed Ari pictures and we talk about them on a regular basis. Leaving was […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 20 - 2017 Add Comments READ FULL POST

I sit with my back against the wall in his tiny office, my arms wrapped around my knees. Maybe if I curl up small enough, he’ll forget about me. Maybe he’ll stop drilling me with his eyes. But he doesn’t; he loves the sound of his own voice, as he talks on and on about my duty and responsibility to stay with them forever until he finds a suitable mate; about his own authority over me; about all the bad […]

Posted by Phoenix On Mar - 8 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Things I’ve Learned From My Male Begetter: Family comes first. No “best friend” can ever match the relationship you’ll have with your family. Family will always be there for you, even when friends come and go. (Except when you disagree with the family and they cut you off.) Fear is good. Fear of god, fear of consequences, fear of “authority figures”. (Fear is a very strong motivator. Fear keeps you trapped, tied to the person/people you believe will save you. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 21 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST

There has been a lot of uproar in the survivors-of-abusive-homeschooling community over the post by Olivia Brodock titled “From A Homeschool Victim Who Obviously Survived“. There are many things to address, and I’m not going to do a dissection of that post, but I will mention a couple things. First off, the original post photo was one that was found on a post on the Homeschooler’s Anonymous website titled “When Homeschool Leaders Looked Away: The Old Schoolhouse Cover-Up“. The photo […]

Posted by Phoenix On Nov - 2 - 2014 6 Comments READ FULL POST
Robin Williams

I was shocked and saddened today when I found out about Robin Williams’ death by suicide from depression. My first thought is, “Everybody loved him! How could he do that?” (from years of believing mental illness was nonexistant) but as a fellow sufferer of clinical depression, I know that even if a million people told you they loved you, the black hole of depression could still swallow you up. Depression is a real thing. It’s not something you can just […]

Posted by Phoenix On Aug - 11 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

It occurred to me yesterday that I was raised to be negative. There weren’t very many positive things about my upbringing. Dennis didn’t believe in praising us when we were just doing stuff we were supposed to be doing, but he sure did believe in punishing us if we didn’t. He would say that if we were doing stuff we were supposed to do, since it was supposed to be the status quo, there was no point in praising it […]

Posted by Phoenix On May - 24 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Depression, in my folks’ house, was deemed “selfishness”. It was a result of thinking too much about yourself and not enough about other people. (All mental disorders, according to my parents, were just a product of bad/selfish choices.) Of course my dad was allowed to be depressed, but nobody else was…we were supposed to put on a happy mask all the time, regardless of our true feelings. I thought when I left my parents’, everything would be great. And it […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 30 - 2013 2 Comments READ FULL POST
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Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

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