The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

Things I’ve Learned From My Male Begetter: Family comes first. No “best friend” can ever match the relationship you’ll have with your family. Family will always be there for you, even when friends come and go. (Except when you disagree with the family and they cut you off.) Fear is good. Fear of god, fear of consequences, fear of “authority figures”. (Fear is a very strong motivator. Fear keeps you trapped, tied to the person/people you believe will save you. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 21 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Ari just turned three, in December. By the time I was three, my parents had three kids (me, 3, Ben, 1, and Joe, newborn). I can’t imagine having three children all Ari’s age or younger! I think about all the quality time I have with Ari, and it makes me so happy that I can do that. By the time Ruth was the age I am currently, they had seven kids (see the photo on the right). Today, Ari and […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jan - 3 - 2015 5 Comments READ FULL POST

No child chooses to be born. Why then do so many fundamentalist (emphasis on mental!) parents think their kids owe them? We were constantly reminded of how much we owed our parents. We owed them because they “put up” with us when we were young. We owed them because there were so many of us. We owed them because they fed and clothed us. We owed them because they paid for our music lessons. We owed them because we were […]

Posted by Phoenix On Nov - 20 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

There has been a lot of uproar in the survivors-of-abusive-homeschooling community over the post by Olivia Brodock titled “From A Homeschool Victim Who Obviously Survived“. There are many things to address, and I’m not going to do a dissection of that post, but I will mention a couple things. First off, the original post photo was one that was found on a post on the Homeschooler’s Anonymous website titled “When Homeschool Leaders Looked Away: The Old Schoolhouse Cover-Up“. The photo […]

Posted by Phoenix On Nov - 2 - 2014 6 Comments READ FULL POST
Narcissism

I read this post and it really was powerful to me. Here I present The Shepherd’s Gospel, 1 Corinthians 13 by Shade. (Reprinted with permission.) [growing up, i heard about the shepherd and how he loved me so much. if i would only obey more, i would be safe. here is part of the shepherd’s gospel] 1. listen, i speak with the tongues of men and angels. i do not need love, you are the sounding brass, the tinkling cymbal. be […]

Posted by Phoenix On Sep - 25 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Ever since I can remember, my parents gave me labels. “Bossy”, “independent”, “rebellious”, “stubborn”, “strong-willed”, etc. I was bossy for a while; probably because I was jealous that my parents treated Ben better than me. He seemed to be the favorite, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so, and even though I was older he got preferential treatment. Probably because he was the firstborn boy, too, and in Dennis’ intensely patriarchal view of everything, that counted for more. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 7 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST

Dennis always said “kids are sponges”, which was the reason he needed to brainwash us into his religious fanaticism, so we wouldn’t soak up The World. Unfortunately, he had this huge double standard: on the one hand, “kids are sponges”, and on the other hand, “I must beat my kids into being good”. If there’s one thing I’ve thoroughly learned in the two years since I birthed Ari, it’s that the best way to raise a child is to set […]

Posted by Phoenix On Mar - 24 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Guilt was a huge part of my life, growing up. Besides fear, guilt was probably the most effective way of controlling us. I stopped playing April Fool’s pranks because my mom made me feel guilty (intentionally or unintentionally, I’m not sure) over a really good prank. I felt guilty every time I ate something “bad” for me. But the biggest guilt trip of all was one of the biggest reasons I didn’t leave. Not because I knew I would get […]

Posted by Phoenix On Dec - 8 - 2013 4 Comments READ FULL POST
  • RSS
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Welcome!

Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

Recent Thoughts

It'll have been 7 years this July that I moved ...

New Year's Resolutio

I have not made a New Year's resolution in many ...

Six Years!! (Basical

I haven't written a post here in a LONG time, ...

Untitled

I sit with my back against the wall in his ...

Freedom Isn't Free

Five years ago today, I declared my independence. I'd had ...