The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

I have not made a New Year’s resolution in many years. Why? Well, I didn’t like being stuck to rules, not even self-imposed ones. However, I have decided this year that will change (at least for this year), and for a very important reason. So without further ado, here is my New Year’s resolution: I resolve to be selfish. Yup. For way too many years, the concept of “being selfish” was ingrained in me as A Bad Thing. Anything that […]

Posted by Phoenix On Dec - 31 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Things I’ve Learned From My Male Begetter: Family comes first. No “best friend” can ever match the relationship you’ll have with your family. Family will always be there for you, even when friends come and go. (Except when you disagree with the family and they cut you off.) Fear is good. Fear of god, fear of consequences, fear of “authority figures”. (Fear is a very strong motivator. Fear keeps you trapped, tied to the person/people you believe will save you. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 21 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Dennis always said “kids are sponges”, which was the reason he needed to brainwash us into his religious fanaticism, so we wouldn’t soak up The World. Unfortunately, he had this huge double standard: on the one hand, “kids are sponges”, and on the other hand, “I must beat my kids into being good”. If there’s one thing I’ve thoroughly learned in the two years since I birthed Ari, it’s that the best way to raise a child is to set […]

Posted by Phoenix On Mar - 24 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

I realize this entire post comes from my own experience, but I think I will make some good points. When I was a kid, we were made to share rooms. With 12 kids, you can’t really get each kid their own room (which is partly why I think having a ton of kids is irresponsible). I hated it. Being an introvert, I need my own space, and especially in a family of that size, a personal space to call your […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jan - 16 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST

There are tons of ways to fuck up your kid, but probably the fastest way is to cut them off completely from you and pretty much pretend they don’t exist. Sometimes it’s actually beneficial in some ways, like that kid won’t have to deal with further shit while still healing from the shit they’ve already been through, but it’ll still fuck them up. How can it not fuck someone up when the people who gave life to you disown you? […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jan - 4 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

When I was a kid, we were “well-behaved” in public (in other words, we didn’t behave like kids in public, we behaved like mini-adults). We didn’t go to children’s church or anything like that, we were expected to sit still and quiet (no drawing like the other kids, either!) during church services. It was all chalked up to my dad’s super-awesome powers of teaching us self-control. Of course, that’s never what he said in public though. The reality was, however, […]

Posted by Phoenix On Nov - 8 - 2013 2 Comments READ FULL POST

There are so many things I know now that I wish I knew when I was younger. A group I’m in wanted us to answer the question “What do you wish your 16-year-old self knew?”, and I’ve been thinking about writing a post along those lines anyway, so I just decided to do it now. What I Wish My Younger Self Knew I wish she knew everything wasn’t her fault. I wish she knew she didn’t have to be stuck […]

Posted by Phoenix On Oct - 15 - 2013 Add Comments READ FULL POST

I’m constantly amazed how well-behaved (and brilliant!) Ari is. My definition of “well-behaved” has probably changed since I was at my parents’, because I also believe she is a small child and will act like a small child, and she DOES have meltdowns (usually if she hasn’t had a nap or is hungry). Most of what she has learned has been just by example. She shares her food with us, because we share our food with her…not because we whacked […]

Posted by Phoenix On Sep - 23 - 2013 Add Comments READ FULL POST
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Welcome!

Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

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