The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

I realize this entire post comes from my own experience, but I think I will make some good points. When I was a kid, we were made to share rooms. With 12 kids, you can’t really get each kid their own room (which is partly why I think having a ton of kids is irresponsible). I hated it. Being an introvert, I need my own space, and especially in a family of that size, a personal space to call your […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jan - 16 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST

Guilt was a huge part of my life, growing up. Besides fear, guilt was probably the most effective way of controlling us. I stopped playing April Fool’s pranks because my mom made me feel guilty (intentionally or unintentionally, I’m not sure) over a really good prank. I felt guilty every time I ate something “bad” for me. But the biggest guilt trip of all was one of the biggest reasons I didn’t leave. Not because I knew I would get […]

Posted by Phoenix On Dec - 8 - 2013 4 Comments READ FULL POST

When I was a kid, we were “well-behaved” in public (in other words, we didn’t behave like kids in public, we behaved like mini-adults). We didn’t go to children’s church or anything like that, we were expected to sit still and quiet (no drawing like the other kids, either!) during church services. It was all chalked up to my dad’s super-awesome powers of teaching us self-control. Of course, that’s never what he said in public though. The reality was, however, […]

Posted by Phoenix On Nov - 8 - 2013 2 Comments READ FULL POST

People have a bad habit of calling men and women in my position (having moved out of their fundie parents’ and started talking about their experiences) “bitter”. Because, you know, talking about your life is NOT what you do in therapy, either, but somehow you’re not bitter there. Whatever. If you want bitter, I’ll give you bitter. I’m bitter and hurt and upset that the people who were supposed to love me unconditionally, had conditions on their “love”. I’m upset […]

Posted by Phoenix On Oct - 20 - 2013 8 Comments READ FULL POST

There are so many things I know now that I wish I knew when I was younger. A group I’m in wanted us to answer the question “What do you wish your 16-year-old self knew?”, and I’ve been thinking about writing a post along those lines anyway, so I just decided to do it now. What I Wish My Younger Self Knew I wish she knew everything wasn’t her fault. I wish she knew she didn’t have to be stuck […]

Posted by Phoenix On Oct - 15 - 2013 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Trigger warning: graphic descriptions of self-injury. Everything was my fault. This was never said, but it was implied enough to really screw me up. Somehow it was my fault if the kids got into something and I was in the room with them, or just on the same level of the house as them. If I wasn’t watching them any time I was near them and they did something they weren’t supposed to, I got a spanking along with them. […]

Posted by Phoenix On May - 29 - 2013 9 Comments READ FULL POST

Libby Anne is doing a series on HSLDA vs. CPS, so I figured I’d try and pound out a quick post from my experiences.  I’m not going to write very much about HSLDA, but I’ll link to Libby’s posts so you can go read more about them if you’re unfamiliar. Basically, HSLDA (Home School Legal Defense Association) has morphed into an organization that prevents abuse from being investigated. When we were kids, we heard the horror stories…the kids who were […]

Posted by Phoenix On Apr - 20 - 2013 10 Comments READ FULL POST

A friend of mine posted on her Facebook today that Megan and Grace Phelps-Roper (granddaughters of the infamous Fred Phelps) left the Westboro cult in November (and, of course, were shunned, as I was). I’m not sure of the exact date, but only that last Sunday was her first day in a different church. The news article brings back a lot of memories for me. After I read it, I started crying…I was in similar shoes, and it was really […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 6 - 2013 5 Comments READ FULL POST
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Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

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