The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

I have not made a New Year’s resolution in many years. Why? Well, I didn’t like being stuck to rules, not even self-imposed ones. However, I have decided this year that will change (at least for this year), and for a very important reason. So without further ado, here is my New Year’s resolution: I resolve to be selfish. Yup. For way too many years, the concept of “being selfish” was ingrained in me as A Bad Thing. Anything that […]

Posted by Phoenix On Dec - 31 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

I sit with my back against the wall in his tiny office, my arms wrapped around my knees. Maybe if I curl up small enough, he’ll forget about me. Maybe he’ll stop drilling me with his eyes. But he doesn’t; he loves the sound of his own voice, as he talks on and on about my duty and responsibility to stay with them forever until he finds a suitable mate; about his own authority over me; about all the bad […]

Posted by Phoenix On Mar - 8 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Things I’ve Learned From My Male Begetter: Family comes first. No “best friend” can ever match the relationship you’ll have with your family. Family will always be there for you, even when friends come and go. (Except when you disagree with the family and they cut you off.) Fear is good. Fear of god, fear of consequences, fear of “authority figures”. (Fear is a very strong motivator. Fear keeps you trapped, tied to the person/people you believe will save you. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 21 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST

No child chooses to be born. Why then do so many fundamentalist (emphasis on mental!) parents think their kids owe them? We were constantly reminded of how much we owed our parents. We owed them because they “put up” with us when we were young. We owed them because there were so many of us. We owed them because they fed and clothed us. We owed them because they paid for our music lessons. We owed them because we were […]

Posted by Phoenix On Nov - 20 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

There has been a lot of uproar in the survivors-of-abusive-homeschooling community over the post by Olivia Brodock titled “From A Homeschool Victim Who Obviously Survived“. There are many things to address, and I’m not going to do a dissection of that post, but I will mention a couple things. First off, the original post photo was one that was found on a post on the Homeschooler’s Anonymous website titled “When Homeschool Leaders Looked Away: The Old Schoolhouse Cover-Up“. The photo […]

Posted by Phoenix On Nov - 2 - 2014 6 Comments READ FULL POST

Ever since I can remember, my parents gave me labels. “Bossy”, “independent”, “rebellious”, “stubborn”, “strong-willed”, etc. I was bossy for a while; probably because I was jealous that my parents treated Ben better than me. He seemed to be the favorite, and I wasn’t the only one who thought so, and even though I was older he got preferential treatment. Probably because he was the firstborn boy, too, and in Dennis’ intensely patriarchal view of everything, that counted for more. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 7 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST

Dennis always said “kids are sponges”, which was the reason he needed to brainwash us into his religious fanaticism, so we wouldn’t soak up The World. Unfortunately, he had this huge double standard: on the one hand, “kids are sponges”, and on the other hand, “I must beat my kids into being good”. If there’s one thing I’ve thoroughly learned in the two years since I birthed Ari, it’s that the best way to raise a child is to set […]

Posted by Phoenix On Mar - 24 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Oh jeez. My dad. Dennis, as I will call him henceforth, because he is not a father figure to me and he was never the father figure that I hoped, wanted, or needed. Last night I had a crazy dream about him. I dreamt that I was back at their house, and he was violently abusive towards me…hitting me with my tablet (which broke the detachable keyboard), saying horribly mean things, and breaking my laptop. In my dream, I had […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 10 - 2014 2 Comments READ FULL POST
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Welcome!

Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

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Untitled

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Things I Learned

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