The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

Archive for the ‘Featured’ Category

I have not made a New Year’s resolution in many years. Why? Well, I didn’t like being stuck to rules, not even self-imposed ones. However, I have decided this year that will change (at least for this year), and for a very important reason. So without further ado, here is my New Year’s resolution: I resolve to be selfish. Yup. For way too many years, the concept of “being selfish” was ingrained in me as A Bad Thing. Anything that […]

Posted by Phoenix On Dec - 31 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

I haven’t written a post here in a LONG time, mostly because I haven’t really felt the need to get a lot off my chest…after six years I’m doing so much better than I probably would have thought possible back then. Of course there are still lingering issues and trigger situations (I almost walked out of work on Saturday), but overall…much improved. Apparently, though, I still get really depressed and on-edge around May-July, which is when all the shit went […]

Posted by Phoenix On Aug - 29 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

I sit with my back against the wall in his tiny office, my arms wrapped around my knees. Maybe if I curl up small enough, he’ll forget about me. Maybe he’ll stop drilling me with his eyes. But he doesn’t; he loves the sound of his own voice, as he talks on and on about my duty and responsibility to stay with them forever until he finds a suitable mate; about his own authority over me; about all the bad […]

Posted by Phoenix On Mar - 8 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Five years ago today, I declared my independence. I’d had enough of the sheltering and smothering and abuse from my folks. Leaving was the only way to keep my sanity. “So what are you going to do? This is your last chance,” I was told. I was terrified. I was afraid that something very bad would happen if I said I was leaving (would he hit me?); I was afraid I would take my life if I stayed. After half […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 4 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST

When I was a kid, we had to “respect our elders” because they were so much older and had so much more wisdom than us. We were supposed to call everyone who was married, Mr and Mrs, even if they were only a couple years older than us. All relatives, no matter how distant and regardless of actual relation, were Aunt and Uncle if they were only a couple years older than us. I tried to point out to my […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 5 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST
She LOVES ballet!

When Ari was a baby, one one of the desperate nights of trying to get her to sleep, I wanted to sing her a lullaby but I had forgotten the words to Brahms’ Lullaby. So I did the only sensible thing I could do and made up new words. A few weeks ago, Scottie thought up more lyrics, so I wrote the first verse and he wrote the second and third. Go to sleep, go to sleep, Close your eyes […]

Posted by Phoenix On May - 31 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Ari just turned three, in December. By the time I was three, my parents had three kids (me, 3, Ben, 1, and Joe, newborn). I can’t imagine having three children all Ari’s age or younger! I think about all the quality time I have with Ari, and it makes me so happy that I can do that. By the time Ruth was the age I am currently, they had seven kids (see the photo on the right). Today, Ari and […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jan - 3 - 2015 5 Comments READ FULL POST

No child chooses to be born. Why then do so many fundamentalist (emphasis on mental!) parents think their kids owe them? We were constantly reminded of how much we owed our parents. We owed them because they “put up” with us when we were young. We owed them because there were so many of us. We owed them because they fed and clothed us. We owed them because they paid for our music lessons. We owed them because we were […]

Posted by Phoenix On Nov - 20 - 2014 Add Comments READ FULL POST
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Welcome!

Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

New Year's Resolutio

I have not made a New Year's resolution in many ...

Six Years!! (Basical

I haven't written a post here in a LONG time, ...

Untitled

I sit with my back against the wall in his ...

Freedom Isn't Free

Five years ago today, I declared my independence. I'd had ...

Things I Learned

Things I've Learned From My Male Begetter: Family comes first. No ...