The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

I haven’t written a post here in a LONG time, mostly because I haven’t really felt the need to get a lot off my chest…after six years I’m doing so much better than I probably would have thought possible back then. Of course there are still lingering issues and trigger situations (I almost walked out of work on Saturday), but overall…much improved. Apparently, though, I still get really depressed and on-edge around May-July, which is when all the shit went down with my folks in 2010. I haven’t had medication for a year and a half now and that may be part of it, but I was happy to realize that overall I’ve done so much better without medication this time than before.

six years!!Scottie and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary on Thursday. Last year we went to some diner-type restaurant and it was horrible (seriously, the mushrooms on Scottie’s burger were CANNED), so we wanted to do something nicer this year and we went to Outback (where we had also gone for our first anniversary). He had a steak that was still quivering (I swear it moo’ed when he cut it) and I had a filet mignon and lobster tail. For some reason I’ve really wanted a lobster tail recently (nope, NOT pregnant), and it was definitely all it was cracked up to be. Plus, both steaks were so tender we could pull them apart with our forks! Afterwards we watched Sausage Party, and it was great.

Scottie wore his kilt as sort of a throw-back to our wedding, and plus…less face it…guys in kilts = HOTTEST.

Yep, that’s a septum piercing…got it in June! I’ve also got my second tattoo planned…now to find the funds!


This September will be my 1-year anniversary at my job. I’m working where Scottie is, but a different schedule and different days, to minimize the amount of childcare necessary. It’s at a customer service center, in the chat department…which makes sense. After all, we met online! We take two chats at once (vs on the phone, it’s one at a time) which can get pretty crazy, but at least we don’t have to listen to the customers screaming at us! Holy crap, the stories we can tell…if you’re not a nice customer, you’re going to get talked about!! And since we’re in chat, we can do that while talking to you. It’s not a bad job overall…for some reason (probably some form of masochism, I have no idea) I like customer service. Oh…and you know those little bells they have at front desks to signal someone if nobody is there? A couple people have them at work and whenever someone sells something the bell is rung and everyone says “Shame!” (If you’re caught up on Game of Thrones, you’ll get the reference!)

lil princessAri is nearly five (WHAT) and is bright and sassy as all get-out. She definitely takes after us both — stubborn as fuck, but we’re super proud of her. She definitely knows her own mind and she’s going to make one helluva woman! We recently moved her from our bed to a bed in her own room, which she LOVES. For the last few weeks she’s been all “I have my own room, I can stay up as late as I want!” and it’s been fun to give her the freedom…but it sure makes for a grumpy kid so I think maybe we may (can I be any more indecisive?) TRY to instigate some form of bedtime. I was thinking about buying a clock for her room and using colored markers to show when electronics are not allowed, etc. She’s been known to wake up at 4 am (after going to bed at midnight) and staying up for a while, then falling asleep in the chair. Her room pretty much looks like mine did at age 4…which basically means it looks like the toybox and dresser threw up all over the room.

She’s obsessed with all things stereotypically girly…makeup, sparkles, looking “beautiful”, fashion, pink, etc. I had to put my makeup on the top shelf in the closet for a while because normally she stays out of stuff she isn’t supposed to get into, but apparently the allure was just too much for her! She does have her own lip gloss and she wears it almost every day.

We recently got a “new” car (definitely the newest we’ve ever had) which has been awesome…our old car was so unreliable and had no a/c. The “new” one is a 2016 pre-owned (you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’? Yeah, they must not have had it long) and it’s great. We’ve also been in this apartment for two years, which is the longest we’ve lived in one place since getting married. (Kinda sad, I know.) We’ve thrown around the idea of buying house here even though we don’t want to stay here, but haven’t yet. Apartment life isn’t too bad…no yard responsibilities, homeowner’s insurance, stuff like that. My goal had been to leave this state before Ari turned 5, and obviously that hasn’t happened so I’m a little worried we’ll be here forever, but I guess we’ll see.

Also…ALSO…I wore a bikini for the first time ever this year. And in public. Ari and I went to the lake with some friends and I bought a bikini and I wore the damn thing…and it felt good. I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I weigh pretty much 100lbs more than I did at my folks’, and I can’t say I *like* it, or even really like how I look, but I’ve accepted it. I know that if I ever decided to exercise regularly (and probably changed my diet a little) I could do something about it, but apparently I don’t want to exercise and I’m not going to give up foods I love to have a “hot” body. I’ve got one life and I’m going to enjoy ice cream, dammit! Besides that…my husband loves how I look and while I don’t love how I look, I trust that he is every bit as into me as he was when I was smaller, and I’m okay with my body. Everything I was scared about happening if I wore a bikini didn’t happen. If they thought anything, I didn’t really care and it was a good thing.

I’m trying to think if anything else of note happened lately, but my brain isn’t working to well this time of night anymore. Anyway…Game of Thrones is awesome, can’t wait for Doctor Who, still haven’t watched the most recent season of OITNB (also, go watch Kimmy Schmidt)…and to all a goodnight.

Phoenix On August - 29 - 2016

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Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

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