The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

Things I’ve Learned From My Male Begetter:

  • Family comes first. No “best friend” can ever match the relationship you’ll have with your family. Family will always be there for you, even when friends come and go. (Except when you disagree with the family and they cut you off.)
  • Fear is good. Fear of god, fear of consequences, fear of “authority figures”. (Fear is a very strong motivator. Fear keeps you trapped, tied to the person/people you believe will save you. Fear is a primal instinct.)
  • Independence is bad. Being in dependence on your family is good. (Because that will totally prepare you for life if something ever happens where you’re away from your family…)
  • The proper way to have a biblical/theological conversation is to steamroll the other person and make them feel like shit for not believing what you believe. (This works excellently to feed into a martyr complex, so later you can complain, “Nobody likes talking about god with me!”)
  • Treating your 23 year old like she’s 5 is perfectly acceptable; even encouraged. (Because at no point in her life is she ever going to have a life separate from you and need preparation for that.)
  • Brainwashing is good! (When you’re the parent, you get to brainwash your kids into any belief system you want. I do mean actual, legit cult-type brainwashing.)
  • Depression is just selfishness. (Yeah, because I’ve always wanted to be ultimately selfish. Or to struggle with depression.)
  • Mental illness is something you choose, or that comes about from decisions you make. (Even bipolar, schizophrenia, etc. He’s all like, “You made some really bad choices there, bro.”)
  • Parents should bully their children. (That’s not fucked up at alllll.)
  • It’s more important to follow your religion than have relationships with your children. (Talk about 50 shades of fucked up. Why does he fancy himself the new Abraham? At least he didn’t hear voices telling him to sacrifice his kids, because ten to one he would have.)
  • It’s more important to project what you think about yourself, your wife, and your child onto your child, than it is to actually get to know your child. (I can’t even.)
  • Poor people are only poor because they refuse to work. (Nobody loses their job and falls on hard times in his world, I guess. Not even us when that DID happen to us.)
  • It’s best to cover up sexual abuse and not actually get help for either party.
  • You’d better be prepared, because any day now, someone is going to start rounding up Xtians in America and putting them in death camps because of their religion. (What-the-even. You canNOT say you’re oppressed for your religion in America if your manager, in a public place, says in a normal voice that he will pray for his customer’s niece, and the customer thanks him.)
  • I’d NEVER get married because he would never find anyone caveman-enough to “handle” me. (Apparently I “needed” someone to boss me around, otherwise I would never respect my husband. Joke’s on Dennis, who’s left with egg on his face since I most definitely DO respect Scottie…and in a large part BECAUSE he doesn’t tell me what to do.)
  • Actions of love shouldn’t be from you; they should be from your “authority” telling you what to do to show your “love“. (This is the reason I gave when he asked why I was leaving. It’s not real love if someone is telling you how to “show” your “love”.)
  • My sole purpose in life is to serve (slave-like) my father, and then my husband, including popping out more kids than I could handle. (I’m perfectly happy with ONE kid, thank you very much, and I’m a slave to NO ONE.)
  • Don’t touch boys. Don’t talk to boys. Especially don’t talk to boys online. (Not sure why talking to boys online was worse than in person, because he had no real reason until I met the one I married online.)
  • Kids are sponges“, so you need to beat them into doing whatever they’re supposed to do. (Presumably because YOU aren’t modeling the behavior you want your kids to have. Talk about cognitive dissonance.)
  • Complete self-control is the ultimate goal in living sinlessly (for god, of course). (I can’t stand the words “self-control” anymore even if it’s used for good reason. We weren’t even taught how to control ourselves, just how to be controlled.)
  • I am fat. (In reality, I was actually at a fairly good weight for my size. I’m about twice that now and IDGAF.)
  • Kids are stupid. Kids are never smart, and especially NEVER smarter than any parent person, ever. (Sometimes my three year old is right about something and I’m not. Fortunately my pride doesn’t get in the way of acknowledging her smartness and her person-ness.)
  • NEVER trust your kids. With anything. (You always have to control them, even into adulthood, to make sure they are doing the right thing. Instead of teaching them how to do the right thing.)
  • I owe EVERYTHING about my existence to my parents. (Well jeez, if I had known how to conceive and give birth to myself, I would have.)
  • Everything that happened to me or around me was my fault because as the oldest, I wasn’t being “responsible” enough. (It didn’t matter if another adult was also around. Or if I wasn’t even in the same room. I joke that if someone in another country was assassinated, somehow Ruth would have tried to pin it on me.)

There are many, MANY more valuable how-not-to-live-your-life lessons I’ve learned from my begetters, but I think this list will do for now.

Oh yeah, happy father’s day!fatherhood

Phoenix On June - 21 - 2015

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Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

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