The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

1995Ari just turned three, in December. By the time I was three, my parents had three kids (me, 3, Ben, 1, and Joe, newborn). I can’t imagine having three children all Ari’s age or younger! I think about all the quality time I have with Ari, and it makes me so happy that I can do that. By the time Ruth was the age I am currently, they had seven kids (see the photo on the right).

Today, Ari and I were snuggling in bed and she told me about a dream she had; she was in the mall, looking for Lambie, and she couldn’t find Scottie or I. “It was da wowst feewing I evoh had!” she said. I felt bad she had such a scary dream, but it felt good that she told me. I adored Dennis when I was a small child, but I don’t ever remember feeling like I could speak freely with him. My earliest memory of him is the first time he shaved his beard off while I was alive, and he scared the hell out of me…then tried to make me hug him, and when I didn’t want to (he looked like a stranger!), he spanked me because I didn’t obey him.

snowmanI get to spend a lot of time getting to know my daughter. I learn from her (something my parents thought absurd…learn from your kids?! What?!) and she learns from me. I know what her favorite colors are (and sometimes they change on a daily basis!), her favorite characters, her favorite toys, her favorite foods. When I was 18, Dennis claimed to know me, “better than you know yourself”, but he didn’t. They never took the time to get to know us kids, because they were too busy trying to force us into their mold. They didn’t believe their children’s (even when we were adults) thoughts, feelings, or opinions mattered.

They missed out on all the wonderful times they could have had with their children…all the original thoughts and ideas and opinions children have. They missed out on getting to know us individually…and they can never get those wasted moments back.



Phoenix On January - 3 - 2015

5 Responses so far.

  1. kathleen says:

    I am so happy to read that you have so much love and joy with your daughter and husband now.

    Hopefully your siblings have gotten away and do not have the same beliefs now? And more importantly have been able to heal?

    Ari is the sooooo gorgeous!!!!

    • Phoenix says:

      My uncle (Dennis’ brother) said I was making the worst mistake of my life by marrying Scottie. Ha!

      They haven’t, unfortunately 🙁 The one who was married just before I left, Joe, is doing great. The rest are with my folks still. 🙁


  2. Kara says:

    I had three kids in 4 years. Not because of religion or anything, but unreliable birth control meant I was pregnant with #2 before #1 was a year old, and then, it was “eh, we’re already overwhelmed with baby stuff, let’s just get this over with.” My 3rd/youngest/last was born 3 weeks before I turned 29. I love that she’ll turn 21 just before I’m 50.

    • Phoenix says:

      I definitely do not mean everyone with three kids under 3 or 4 is a bad parent. My parents decided to “let god choose the size” of their family, and kept popping out kids irresponsibly. I think I worded that section poorly. If my parents had STOPPED at three, that would have been another matter…but they kept going. That, mixed with the total disregard of our thoughts, feelings, and opinions, is what I take the real issue with.

    • Phoenix says:

      LOL…I just went back and re-read the post…I guess I had taken out the original references I had made about my parents having three kids under three…because I didn’t want to say that was BAD, or that parents with three under 3/4 is BAD…just like I said in my post, I can’t imagine three little ones like that, and also in my comment, their bad parenting mixed with a lack of birth control is a bad result.

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Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

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