The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen


This was taken in 2006 when I was 18.


This was taken in 2008 when I was 20.

There are so many things I know now that I wish I knew when I was younger. A group I’m in wanted us to answer the question “What do you wish your 16-year-old self knew?”, and I’ve been thinking about writing a post along those lines anyway, so I just decided to do it now.

What I Wish My Younger Self Knew

I wish she knew everything wasn’t her fault.

I wish she knew she didn’t have to be stuck in a position where she was required to pop out babies.

I wish she knew just how beautiful and NOT fat she was.

I wish she knew it wasn’t her fault if another person lusted after her.

I wish she knew what real love was like.

I wish she knew she wasn’t the problem, her parents were.

I wish she knew her life was not normal and not good.

I wish she knew depression is an illness, not selfishness.

I wish she knew being spanked into adulthood was not legal.

I wish she knew there were parents who didn’t have to beat their children into being nice, and that it worked much better than spanking anyway.

I wish she knew that it was OK if kids were smart, and sometimes kids are smarter than parents.

I wish she knew it was not normal and a good thing if as children she had too many chores for her age and that CPS wasn’t a big bad monster.

I wish she knew fear wasn’t a healthy way to live.

I wish she knew it was OK to question and have questions about life.

I wish she knew it was not normal to have to mother her mom and her younger siblings.

I wish she knew she didn’t have to be slave to the fear of death.

I wish she knew just how great living free is.

I wish she knew she did not owe her parents everything just because they took care of her.

I wish she knew that it was not normal to not have any friends.

I wish she knew that life didn’t have to be kids vs. parents.

There are probably so many more things I could say…but this will do for now. To my younger self: It was not just “being a teenager”. There was something fundamentally wrong in that household and it was not you.

Phoenix On October - 15 - 2013

Leave a Reply

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload the CAPTCHA.

  • RSS
  • Facebook
  • Twitter


Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

Recent Thoughts

It'll have been 7 years this July that I moved ...

New Year's Resolutio

I have not made a New Year's resolution in many ...

Six Years!! (Basical

I haven't written a post here in a LONG time, ...


I sit with my back against the wall in his ...

Freedom Isn't Free

Five years ago today, I declared my independence. I'd had ...