With a baby on the way, I feel really unequipped to handle any kind of “bible stuff” in regards to my child. *I* don’t know what *I* believe, how am I supposed to pass it on?
The other thing is, I keep thinking that I don’t want to do what my dad did and just indoctrinate my children that This Is The Way, and when they get older, they won’t know WHY they believe This Is The Way. I don’t want to make up their minds for them, I want them to…but at the same time, is that what I’m supposed to do?
I don’t really consider myself a christian right now. More like a Deist/Theist (not sure of the difference). I believe in love, equality, and liberty. None of which, as far as I can see, contradict anything Jesus said anyway. Is that enough? Is it enough for now?
We were talking about the things we grew up with…Psalty (me) and The Donut Man (Scottie), and do we want our kids growing up with the same songs and stories, or what? A couple of The Donut Man songs he told me about were triggering to me: “Obey your parents and you’ll be happy” was the gist of one of them. I know we’re talking about little kids here, but I’m afraid I won’t know what to do and I’ll make my kids obey no matter what. I mean, it is easier in some respects for the parent, but I don’t want to be like that.
Is it possible to have kids who are obedient when they need to be, without being robots?
Sometimes I get irritated when my inlaws tell my littlest siblings-in-law to go to bed and an hour later they’re still up (or have been up and down). I’m not used to that. It makes me wonder if I should be more relaxed about things. I mean, I wouldn’t spank one of my kids for being out of bed when I told them to go to bed (like my parents would), but where is the line? Where do you put your foot down and where don’t you?
Sometimes I feel so unequipped. I know all about how to spank a child into obedience. And I’ve been conditioned and brainwashed and taught to just do whatever my husband says, so being able to think for myself really has me feel like I’m floundering sometimes. This is also why I wanted to wait to have kids…so I could be a bit more grounded in what I know and believe and stuff. (Unfortunately, accidents happen…haha)
I’ve also been thinking about how much I feel like a teenager all over again…in my thoughts at least. My dad was always proud of the fact that we had made it through our teen years without really questioning or “rebelling” or anything. Right now, it just kind of disgusts me. The more I think about it, the more I think that’s actually necessary and healthy, because then by the time you’re my age, you’re grounded in what you think and believe. I’m twenty-four, for crying out loud! I’m in my mid-twenties. I’m too young for a midlife crisis and too old for “teenage rebellion”.
It just makes me mad all over again at my dad.
I’m just glad I seem to have gotten a double dose of common sense. lol
I don’t want to spank, either. Not unless it’s absolutely necessary. I don’t want my kids to grow up to fear me and my spanking instrument. I want my kids to love me, to want to talk to me. I want them to have a real childhood. But I don’t want to spoil them either. How do you do this?!?