The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

Archive for July, 2011

So I had my doctor’s appointment yesterday (they switched it from Tuesday to Monday)…no ultrasound. 🙁 But we did get to hear the baby’s heartbeat instead of see it! It was 140…which is right in the normal range. People keep telling me it’s a boy because of that! The doctor also said she’ll have the hospital call me to schedule a “formal ultrasound” in the next couple weeks…and THAT one should let us know if this is Phoenix or Ariadne […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 26 - 2011 22 Comments READ FULL POST

I don’t know how many times and to how many people I said “I’m preparing to be a wife and mother” when presented with the question of “why are you still at home”, “are you going to college”, etc. Normal questions. I remember being so proud of that. Then I remember when it turned into just something I said…it didn’t mean anything to me anymore. Truth is, in a lot, if not most (read carefully here, I’m not saying all) […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 25 - 2011 22 Comments READ FULL POST

I tell you, since becoming pregnant, I have had probably more dreams about my family than any other time. Last night I dreamt I was moved out, but had visited the family a few times. I dreamt that when I DID visit, my dad kept the kids away. Well, in one visit, I managed to talk to Beth finally. She told me she thought that it was just dad who didn’t want to see me, and that it was me […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 21 - 2011 9 Comments READ FULL POST

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 *** For the first week or so, I was hopeful, even cheerful. I felt secure in my family again. Then things started getting me down. Nobody had changed. If anything, they had gotten worse — I was allowed practically no contact with the outside world…no phone, someone next to me if I was online (which was only once, because I had some work to finish), and when we went to the store or library, I […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 18 - 2011 16 Comments READ FULL POST

Once upon a time there was a girl who thought the world of her dad. She did everything she could to make him happy. She made his lunches for a long time, and even though she got paid, it wasn’t her idea and she included little notes for him. Daddy, you’re the man in your little girl’s dreams, You are the one that she longs to please, And there’s a place in her heart that can only be filled With […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 16 - 2011 8 Comments READ FULL POST

I dreamt I was visiting my family at the same time my grandparents were (they’re visiting them right now), and I was in my room, woke up a while ago, and I didn’t really want to go out because I knew my dad would probably make some kind of scene. Finally I left though, and the first person I saw was my Gramma…she was doing a puzzle and she completely ignored me. Next I saw my dad, who had a […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 15 - 2011 6 Comments READ FULL POST

Part Two of Scottie’s and my story. Feel free to ask questions…I feel like I didn’t capture everything I was trying to express. Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 *** February of 2010 — right before Valentine’s Day — Scottie broke up with his girlfriend.  (His car broke down around the same time!)  He told me (and her) it wasn’t because of me, but because of other reasons…but by that time he had figured out he was, in fact, in love […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 14 - 2011 9 Comments READ FULL POST

Someone gave me the link to, and I’ve been reading articles there on attachment parenting, gentle discipline, etc. It’s really exciting me to be learning all this stuff. It makes so much more sense than action = spanking! One article I read was about letting babies cry themselves to sleep and stuff. I always hated that…even when it was just my siblings, not even my own, it made me hurt to let them lay there and cry because mom […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 12 - 2011 24 Comments READ FULL POST
  • RSS
  • Facebook
  • Twitter


Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

Recent Thoughts

It'll have been 7 years this July that I moved ...

New Year's Resolutio

I have not made a New Year's resolution in many ...

Six Years!! (Basical

I haven't written a post here in a LONG time, ...


I sit with my back against the wall in his ...

Freedom Isn't Free

Five years ago today, I declared my independence. I'd had ...