The Eighth and Final Square

with courage face the thing you fear so the pawn becomes the queen

It’ll have been 7 years this July that I moved out of my folks’. Since then we’ve had some good times, we’ve had some bad times, but that’s sort of life anyway. I’ve seen photos of my younger siblings…all grown up now. I hardly even recognize some of them, they look so different! I have never regretted leaving, but I do miss them, a lot. I’ve showed Ari pictures and we talk about them on a regular basis. Leaving was […]

Posted by Phoenix On Feb - 20 - 2017 Add Comments READ FULL POST

I have not made a New Year’s resolution in many years. Why? Well, I didn’t like being stuck to rules, not even self-imposed ones. However, I have decided this year that will change (at least for this year), and for a very important reason. So without further ado, here is my New Year’s resolution: I resolve to be selfish. Yup. For way too many years, the concept of “being selfish” was ingrained in me as A Bad Thing. Anything that […]

Posted by Phoenix On Dec - 31 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

I haven’t written a post here in a LONG time, mostly because I haven’t really felt the need to get a lot off my chest…after six years I’m doing so much better than I probably would have thought possible back then. Of course there are still lingering issues and trigger situations (I almost walked out of work on Saturday), but overall…much improved. Apparently, though, I still get really depressed and on-edge around May-July, which is when all the shit went […]

Posted by Phoenix On Aug - 29 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

I sit with my back against the wall in his tiny office, my arms wrapped around my knees. Maybe if I curl up small enough, he’ll forget about me. Maybe he’ll stop drilling me with his eyes. But he doesn’t; he loves the sound of his own voice, as he talks on and on about my duty and responsibility to stay with them forever until he finds a suitable mate; about his own authority over me; about all the bad […]

Posted by Phoenix On Mar - 8 - 2016 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Five years ago today, I declared my independence. I’d had enough of the sheltering and smothering and abuse from my folks. Leaving was the only way to keep my sanity. “So what are you going to do? This is your last chance,” I was told. I was terrified. I was afraid that something very bad would happen if I said I was leaving (would he hit me?); I was afraid I would take my life if I stayed. After half […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jul - 4 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST

Things I’ve Learned From My Male Begetter: Family comes first. No “best friend” can ever match the relationship you’ll have with your family. Family will always be there for you, even when friends come and go. (Except when you disagree with the family and they cut you off.) Fear is good. Fear of god, fear of consequences, fear of “authority figures”. (Fear is a very strong motivator. Fear keeps you trapped, tied to the person/people you believe will save you. […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 21 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST

When I was a kid, we had to “respect our elders” because they were so much older and had so much more wisdom than us. We were supposed to call everyone who was married, Mr and Mrs, even if they were only a couple years older than us. All relatives, no matter how distant and regardless of actual relation, were Aunt and Uncle if they were only a couple years older than us. I tried to point out to my […]

Posted by Phoenix On Jun - 5 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST
She LOVES ballet!

When Ari was a baby, one one of the desperate nights of trying to get her to sleep, I wanted to sing her a lullaby but I had forgotten the words to Brahms’ Lullaby. So I did the only sensible thing I could do and made up new words. A few weeks ago, Scottie thought up more lyrics, so I wrote the first verse and he wrote the second and third. Go to sleep, go to sleep, Close your eyes […]

Posted by Phoenix On May - 31 - 2015 Add Comments READ FULL POST
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Welcome!

Welcome! This is my space on the internet to explore myself and my life and find my courage to turn into a queen. My Quilt No content on this blog may be used or reproduced elsewhere without a link back.

Recent Thoughts

It'll have been 7 years this July that I moved ...

New Year's Resolutio

I have not made a New Year's resolution in many ...

Six Years!! (Basical

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Untitled

I sit with my back against the wall in his ...

Freedom Isn't Free

Five years ago today, I declared my independence. I'd had ...